


My Heart Went Boom

by Knappster



Series: Doctor Stacie [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Doctor/Patient AU, F/F, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:24:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5834203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knappster/pseuds/Knappster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stacie has a crush on her new patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Doctor Stacie falling in love for her patient Aubrey who had an heart condition and needed a heart transplant and is now good for release. Both have feelings but Aubrey was in a relationship and Stacie thinks she doesn't stand a chance.
> 
> I'm not a doctor so I apologize if anything is not entirely correct.

I closed the door of the on-call room and took off my glasses before flopping face down on the bottom bunk. I had been on my feet for the past 36 hours after a coronary artery bypass grafting, followed by an emergency surgery on a gunshot victim, and checking up on the rest of my patients. I didn't really feel like sleeping, even though I knew I should, I just wanted to not be standing for a while.

The truth was that I had been avoiding going home for the past couple of weeks because my roommate/best friend's girlfriend had just moved in with us. Which wasn't that big of a problem, I was happy for Chloe. After what she went through with that douche she dated last year, she deserved someone nice, and Beca was really nice after you got past her awkwardness and sarcasm. I hadn't seen Chloe this happy with anyone, and I'd been there for over ten years of relationships, flings, and this one guy who stole our toaster.

So when Chloe asked if I was okay with Beca moving in I immediately said yes, and I was. Until I came home to find turntables and amplifiers in our living room because the little EMT is apparently also a DJ. Which was fine too, I love music as much as anyone. But really, I don't care how good you are, I don't want to hear you mixing when I just came home from a long shift.

I know I could have just talked to her and it would have been fine. But when I came out to tell her to keep it down, Chloe was there and when I saw the look on her face I just couldn't. So I just waved and told them I had to go back to the hospital which is where I've been staying for the past two weeks.

My phone beeped and I rolled over to take it out of my lab coat pocket. I squinted at the screen and groaned when I read that I was needed for a consult down at the ER. I hoped it was something urgent enough to avoid talking to Chloe, I knew she was getting suspicious of the amount of time I've been spending here.

I put on my glasses again and I got up, walking to the elevator and retying my hair while I waited. I spotted Chloe leaning on a counter in the ER and I walked towards her. "You need a consult?"

Chloe turned around, her smile falling a little bit when she took in my appearance. "Yes, I wanted to talk to you first though." I arched an eyebrow at her, acting like I had no idea what she would want to talk about. "Why haven't you been home lately?"

There it was. "I've been busy here, Chlo. I've had some tough cases and I've been working on my research projects too, if I don't have something soon I'm going to lose my funding." All true even if it wasn't the real reason.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Fine. Here." She started handing me the chart but changed her mind and clutched it to her chest. "You might want to freshen up a bit before I take you to the patient, she's cute."

Another fun thing that had happened since Chloe started getting serious with Beca was how she always, and very misguidedly, tried to set me up with anyone. And by anyone I really mean anyone: patients, other doctors, nurses, the guy who fixed our Wi-Fi… it was getting ridiculous. And while a few of these set up attempts had ended up in pretty hot sex, and yes, maybe even with the Wi-Fi guy, I wasn't interested in having an actual relationship with anyone. Especially with a patient.

I rolled my eyes. "Not again, Chlo."

She lifted her hands and started smoothing back my hair. "I'm not doing anything, I'm just saying you never know when you're gonna meet the right person."

I grabbed the chart from her and turned. "If she really is the right person she won't mind a few hairs out of place."

I walked towards the bed where the patient was while I read her chart. I heard Chloe groan and run after me, her hand stopping me just before I pulled back the curtain.

"At least smile." I sighed loudly and she pouted. "I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy, I don't need to be in a relationship." I smiled to prove my point and to stop her from looking at me with her huge blue eyes.

She rolled her eyes but hugged me briefly before turning to move the curtain to the side. "Aubrey, this is Doctor Conrad, she's going to take over now. She's the best."

I looked up from reading the chart, catching Chloe's wink before she walked past me on her way out. I finished reading the chart. "Aubrey Posen? This says you've been experiencing shortness of breath and…"

And then I looked up. I wished I had listened to Chloe about freshening up because, if she was right and there really was a right person out there for me, this is what they would look like. She was still in her street clothes, black slacks and a white button up with long sleeves. Her hair was partially up, blonde curls resting softly on her shoulders. Her eyes were a grayish green so deep that I almost got lost in them.

I noticed the corner of her mouth quirk up and I coughed to cover my longer than normal pause, looking down at her chart again. "... and some chest pain."

I moved to the side of her bed. "Yes, I've been feeling off for some time. I thought it was just stress but my chest felt really tight this morning."

I took my stethoscope from around my neck and held the diaphragm to her chest. She flinched a little bit and I smiled. "Sorry, it's cold."

She smiled back and I almost forgot to listen to her heart. Almost. I took a step back, removing the stethoscope and turning. "I'm gonna check your pulse now." I put the cuff on her arm and started inflating it, trying to focus on anything but her eyes. "So you have a stressful job?"

"Yes... well maybe not as stressful as yours." She gave me that smile again. "I'm a lawyer."

"Oh, wow." I finished taking her pulse and took a step back. "I'll make sure you sign all your release forms then."

She chuckled. "I promise not to sue you if you promise to do your best."

"I always do my best."

"Then you have nothing to worry about." She smirked. I wasn't sure if she was flirting with me, which was unusual for me. Maybe it was because it was the first time in a long time I really wanted her to be flirting with me.

"I wanna run some tests so someone's gonna come-"

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here." A guy came running up to the bed and took her hand. "Are you okay? Is she okay?"

He looked up at me expectantly and I just stood there staring at him, feeling stupid because of course she was with someone and of course that someone was a man. Although man was probably too generous a word for this man-boy. This man-boy who I already hated two sentences in.

"They're going to run some tests." She squeezed his hand and it felt like someone was squeezing my stomach. "Doctor Conrad, this is Jesse."

He let go of her hand and extended it to me. I shook his hand and smiled politely. "Yes, as I was saying." I focused back on her. "I need an EKG and a chest x-ray to check if there's a problem. Someone will come get you soon."

I nodded at her and turned around, jotting down the tests I wanted done on the chart and giving it to one of the interns. I told him to let me know as soon as they were done. Hopefully it would be nothing so she could go home and I could go back to not knowing her.

I was thinking about going back to my attempt at sleeping when Beca passed next to me pushing an empty gurney. She smiled at me and I waved. She stopped, looked at me over her shoulder, and told the other EMT she'd be right back. She walked up to me and smiled. "Hey, Becs."

"Hey." She bit her lip and frowned at me like she was trying to make up her mind. "Listen, I don't know if you've talked to Chloe but she's kinda bummed about you not being home at all and I just wanted to make sure it's not because of me."

It was. "No, of course not." I scoffed. "I talked to her earlier. I've just been really busy."

She smiled, clearly relieved by my answer. "That's great! Not that you've been busy…" She ran a hand through her hair. "I mean, I know how important you are to Chloe and I don't want to be the reason you guys have problems."

I hated when she acted all concerned about Chloe because she made me feel like the bad guy. Okay, I didn't really hate it but they could try to be less perfect for each other, it was annoying. I smiled and squeezed her shoulder. "Don't worry, Chloe and I are great and I'm cool with you." My phone beeped in my pocket and I took it out. "Why don't we have dinner together tonight? I'll pick something up when I'm done here."

"Sounds awesome."

I read the text and started walking back towards the elevators. My gunshot victim was going into shock. "Awes! Later!" I waved at Beca and ran. Apparently there would be no nap.

* * *

"Doctor Conrad?" I looked up from the paperwork I was finishing. I had managed to stabilize the gunshot victim but he was going to need more surgery as soon as he was stable enough for it. "You told me to come find you when the tests on Miss Posen were done?"

"Yes, thank you." He handed me a tablet with the tests opened on it. It didn't look good. "Did you look at them?" He nodded shyly. "What do you think?"

"The heart looks slightly enlarged."

I nodded. I was going to need to run more tests to really know what was happening. "Get an echo and a CT, I'll talk to the patient after that." I handed the tablet back to him and he left.

I groaned, dropping my head on the table in front of me. Of course the only person I've liked in years was straight, not single, and with a chronic heart condition.

* * *

The new set of tests only confirmed my suspicions, now all that was left was give her the bad news. I thought about sending the intern but I'd have to see her again anyway.

I sighed and made my way to the ER again, pausing when I got to the curtain separating Aubrey from the rest of the room. I pushed the curtain aside and my stomach dropped when she looked up and smiled.

She was wearing a hospital gown now but she still looked amazing, and not a lot of people can rock the gown look. "Hey. I thought you abandoned me and I'd have to deal with that nervous looking intern now."

I scrunched up my nose. "I'm sorry, I had... work." Smooth. I took a step closer. "Where's your…?" Boyfriend? Husband? I didn't see a ring on either of them but that didn't mean anything.

"I told him to get something to eat. He gets really annoying when he's hungry." She shook her head with a smile. "Do you have my test results?"

"Umm, yes. But I can come back later if you want to wait for him."

She frowned. "I guess it's not good news then." She wrung her hands and looked down at her lap. "I kinda figured when you ordered the second round of tests." I took a step closer to her and she looked up attempting to smile. Her eyes shining brightly with tears. "So, what is it?"

"You have dilated cardiomyopathy. Your heart is larger than it should be which makes it harder for it to pump blood."

"I have a big heart?" She chuckled. "Pretty ironic considering the number of times I've been called a heartless bitch." She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Can it be fixed? Do I need surgery?"

"Not if we can avoid it. I'll get you started on some meds and we'll see how you respond to that." I smiled reassuringly. "I'd like to keep you here for observation at least until tomorrow."

She nodded. "Okay, yeah... Sure."

A couple more tears rolled down her cheeks and she looked down to hide them. I took her hand and squeezed it, rubbing her knuckles with my thumb. "Hey, look at me." She looked scared. "I'm gonna be here every step of the way. I told you, I always do my best."

She smiled a little bit. She took my hand with both her hands and squeezed it, straightening out my fingers and looking down at them. "Thank you."

I let her hold on to my hand, a tingling feeling moving up my arm. "I'll get someone to take you up to a room and I'll check on you once you're there."

"Bree, they have the best cheese fries in the cafeteria." The man-boy came up from behind.

I dropped Aubrey's hand and took a step back. He saw her tearstained face and hurried to the other side of the bed. "What happened? Did they get the test results back?"

She nodded and he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked up at me. "Can you give us a minute?"

"Of course. I'll see you later." I turned around and left, feeling selfish for hating this guy. She was lucky she had someone to help her through this. I was being ridiculous. I decided to get her settled as fast as I could so I could go back home and have dinner with my friends. I needed to get over this stupid crush.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Beca told me you'll be gracing us with your presence at dinner tonight."

I smirked at Chloe. She had already changed out of her scrubs, ready to go home. I knew she'd only come up to my floor to make sure I would make it to dinner. "Yeah, she told me how much you missed me so I figured I could sacrifice my evening."

"Funny." She rolled her eyes. "Are you done here?"

"Yeah, I just need to check up on Aubrey before I go." Chloe raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing, you just never refer to your patients by their first name."

"I don't… I use people's names. She's like any other patient." I may have sounded a bit defensive but I didn't need Chloe getting the wrong idea.

She pursed her lips, clearly not fooled by my attempt at nonchalance. She knew me too well. "Right… So then you don't want to know what I overheard her say about you."

"She said something about me?" I shrugged. "I mean, I do like hearing what people say about me, even if I don't care about them. Especially if it's good."

She chuckled. "Like your ego needs more feeding."

She raised her eyebrows challengingly but kept her mouth shut. The more she waited the harder it was for me to keep acting like I didn't care. I cracked. "What did she say?"

"Well Jesse, that's her friend, said you were super hot and she responded that you were gorgeous. And then a nurse yelled my name and she noticed I was standing behind them and she blushed." Chloe gave me a smug grin but it didn't last long. "Why are you frowning? She said you were gorgeous."

"I'm not frowning, that's just my face." Jesse is her friend? "I have to go, I'll meet you back home in a bit."

"O-kay…"

I turned and started walking to her room. I stopped just as I was getting there. Maybe Chloe just thought they were friends but were more than friends. And it didn't really make a difference if they were just friends, she was still my patient. My patient who thought I was gorgeous. I smiled. She thought I was gorgeous.

"Coming through!" I moved to the side to let an intern pushing a gurney pass, bringing me back from my thoughts. Whatever her relationship with that guy was, I still needed to go check up on her.

I leaned on the doorframe of her room before entering, watching her quietly. She had a tablet in her hands and she was slightly squinting at the screen, completely engrossed in what she was reading. Her lower lip was between her teeth and she looked incredibly adorable.

I cleared my throat and walked to the bed. She looked up from the tablet. She looked a lot more tired than the last time I saw her but she managed half a smile. "Hey, I just wanted to check that you were settled in okay."

I walked up to her monitor and checked her vitals. Her heart rate was still a little elevated but it was better than before. "I started you on a low dose of beta-blockers and a diuretic. I also wanna keep you on an IV while you're here so you stay hydrated."

I pushed her forward a little so I could put the stethoscope on her back. She turned her head to look at me. "How long am I going to have to be here?"

"Depends on how well you respond to the meds. I just want to make sure you're stable before I send you back to the courtroom."

"I'm a corporate lawyer, I rarely ever see the inside of a courtroom."

I rolled my eyes and hung my stethoscope back around my neck. "I'm sorry, before I send you back to your beautifully furnished corner office."

"Much better, thank you."

She smiled widely and I couldn't help smiling back. She licked her lips and my eyes flitted down momentarily. I caught myself and looked down at my feet, turning back to her monitors and pretending to check the settings. I needed to get a grip.

I turned back when she started speaking again, her voice more serious than before. "I've been reading about this thing I've got and I have some questions." She took out a legal pad from under the tablet, the first page completely covered in her flowy handwriting. She lifted the page and I could see there were at least three more pages written on both sides. I must have looked surprised because she smiled apologetically. "You don't have to answer all of them now if you don't have time."

"No, of course I can. Is your friend coming back, he might want to hear this too." I didn't really want him there but it was easier when the patient's family knew all the details too.

She shook her head. "I told him to go home, he worries too much. And his attempts to hit on Doctor Beale were painful to watch. She finally had to tell him he had a girlfriend, he almost cried."

I knitted my eyebrows. "So he's not... you're not together?"

She laughed, her head slightly thrown back and the corner of her eyes crinkling. It was my new favorite sound. "God, no. I mean, I love him but I've known him for way too long to even think about him in that way. Besides, he's not really my type."

She bit her lip and looked up at me. I was glad I wasn't the one connected to the heart monitor because I could feel my heart speeding up. I took a step closer, my fingers brushing the edge of the bed. I pursed my lips. She was still my patient, I couldn't do anything.

I tapped the bed twice and took a step back. "I'll go get some food and come back. I'll answer all your questions while we eat."

"I don't want to ruin your dinner plans."

I scoffed. "I was going to eat while I finished some paperwork by myself, I'd much rather hang out with you and answer your..." I looked at the legal pad. "many questions."

She nodded and I started walking out. I'd have to think of a good excuse to cancel on Chloe and Beca. "I'll be right back."

"Don't take too long, I'm going to keep reading while you're gone and I still have a lot of empty pages."

I shook my head. "Lawyers."

* * *

I was sitting on a chair on the side of the room. She had finished asking all her questions and we had moved on to more banal topics for a while. I learned that she had moved here recently because the obnoxious man-boy, with whom she'd gone to law school, invited her to start their own law firm. I also learned that she liked cheesy romance novels and horrible nineties pop.

It was getting late. I had just finished a story about my intern years where I had removed a clown nose from inside some guy when she yawned. "I should leave."

She nodded and looked up at me after a short pause. "So I'm gonna need a heart transplant?"

"Eventually, yes." We'd been over this. The medicine would only slow down her heart's deterioration, not fix it. "I've already filled out your paperwork to get you on the transplant list. They'll evaluate your case but you'll end up pretty low on the list since you're not in immediate risk."

"But I could still have a heart attack at any time and just die."

I pulled my chair closer. "Like I said, everything I'm doing right now is to prevent that. You won't get better, but hopefully you won't get worse either." I took her hand. Her fingers closed tightly around mine.

We stayed there in silence until her hand relaxed. "I did some research on doctors too." She didn't look up from our joined hands while she spoke. "You're really good. I don't think I could be in better hands."

I frowned, she sounded weird. "Thank you?"

She chuckled. "I was hoping I'd find someone better."

"You don't want me to be your doctor? I can refer you to…"

She squeezed my hand again, stopping me. "I do, I just…" She shook her head. "This is going to sound ridiculous." She took a deep breath. "If I found someone better I could go with them and I could ask you out."

"Oh." She liked me. I didn't know if I should be happy or not. She didn't sound happy.

"But there's no one better so…" She laced our fingers. "You're still my doctor."

"I'm still your doctor." I smiled sadly and let go of her hand, my fingers lingering on her palm for a second. "We just met, you don't even know my first name."

"Stacie." She smiled. "I asked Chloe. But you're right, we don't really know each other."

I stood up and walked around to check her monitors again. I wanted to send her to someone else and tell her I would go out with her, but I knew I would never forgive myself if something happened to her. I turned to face her. "I'll tell you what, if we're both still single after your transplant and I'm satisfied that you're healthy, I'll take you out to dinner."

"So we're going on a date in five to ten years, if I don't drop dead or you don't kill me before that?"

"If you respond to the meds, it might be longer but yes." I nodded.

She smirked. "I can't wait."

* * *

I had spent most of the night tossing and turning thinking about Aubrey, about why being her doctor was more important than pursuing a relationship that would probably go nowhere. I don't know when I fell asleep but I woke up to my alarm the next morning. I needed coffee.

I walked out to the kitchen. Chloe was sitting on the kitchen island with her back to me eating cereal. I sighed happily when I noticed the coffee mug in her hand indicating she'd already made coffee.

"Morning!" I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the coffee pot and a mug from the cupboard above it. I grabbed the now full mug with both my hands and inhaled deeply before taking a long drink.

I looked at Chloe, she hadn't looked up or said anything since I entered the kitchen which was unusual to say the least. "Do you need a ride to the hospital?"

"No, thank you." Chloe mumbled. Chloe never mumbled. She finished her cereal and took her plate to the sink next to where I was standing.

I quirked an eyebrow at her. She hadn't sounded mad when I called last night to tell her I had to stay at the hospital, but something was off. If I had learned anything from my long friendship with Chloe was that avoiding the problem was never a good idea. "Is everything okay?"

"Yup." She dried her hands and walked out of the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes. She wasn't going to make this easy for me. "Chlo, come on." I followed her out into the living room. "I'm sorry I missed dinner last night, but I had to stay in the hospital longer than I thought."

"It's not about that." She sat on the couch and crossed her arms.

I sat next to her. "Well we were fine yesterday and the only thing that changed was me canceling dinner."

"Were we, Stace? Were we really fine? I've barely seen you in weeks."

"I've been busy, I told you."

She shook her head. "We've been friends since college. You've been busy before, it's never like this." She stood up and walked away, stopping and turning around when she got to the end of the couch and pointing an accusatory finger at me. "If you didn't want Beca to move in you should've said something."

"Chlo." I sighed. "It's not that. I like Beca."

"Then what is it, Stacie?" I heard Chloe's voice crack. I looked up at her and extended my hand, beckoning her back to the couch.

She hesitated but eventually came and sat back down next to me. "I'm sorry I've been acting this way. I just need to get used to having her here, you know I'm not that great with change. I'll try harder." I pouted. "I'll get dinner tonight. No, I'll make dinner."

I saw her anger melting away and she sighed defeatedly. "Thanks, I don't need food poisoning too."

I laughed. "Okay, I'll buy something."

She launched herself at me, her arms squeezing me tightly. I hugged her back. "I miss you. You better be here tonight."

"I will be. I miss you too." I let her go and sat back. "And about last night…" I had been debating telling her about Aubrey since I got home. "Aubrey asked me to stay to go over some of her concerns about her condition."

Chloe squealed and hugged me again. "I knew she was your type!"

She was more than my type, she was perfect. But maybe letting Chloe know that I thought that wasn't such a good idea "She's my patient, we can't happen."

Chloe gasped. "Oh my god, you like like her, not just for sex." I smirked. Denying it would accomplish nothing. She slapped my shoulder making me flinch. "Stacie, there are other doctors she can see, ask her out."

"I can't." I leaned on my elbows and rested my chin in my hands.

She frowned. "Why not?"

"Because what if I send her with someone else and something happens to her just because I couldn't keep it in my pants." I shook my head. "I won't be able to live with it."

I felt her hand on my back. "Something can happen to her with you as her doctor."

"But at least then I'll know I did everything I could." I leaned against her. "I won't risk her for something that may not even work, especially with my track record."

She wrapped her arm around me and patted my head. She knew there was nothing she could say to change my mind so she didn't say anything else.

I heard a door creak open and Beca cleared her throat behind us. "What are you weirdos doing?"

I looked over Chloe's shoulder and smiled at her, extending my arms. "Hugging, do you wanna join us?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "I'm good. Carry on."

I hugged Chloe tighter. "We should keep her."

"Oh, we're totes keeping her." Chloe nodded.

Beca yelled from the kitchen. "I'm not a stray dog!"

I chuckled and leaned my head back on Chloe's shoulder. "I'm sorry I was an idiot, Chlo."

"Well stop being one and we're cool." She pushed me off her. "Get changed, you're gonna be late for work."

I groaned. I'd forgotten about work and the people I had to see at work… well, person. Maybe it won't be so bad.


	3. Chapter 3

Liking someone and not knowing if you have a shot is bad, knowing that they don't like you back is worse, but knowing that they do like you back and not being able to do anything about it is the worst. Especially when you had to be in the same room as the person you liked and had to act like you weren't thinking about kissing her. Which I totally was from the moment I stepped into the room that morning to check up on Aubrey.

Jesse was already there, playing some loud game on his phone while Aubrey furiously typed on her computer. And while she looked really hot with her seriously pissed expression and pursed lips, hence the smooching thoughts, this certainly couldn't be good for her blood pressure.

I walked into the room but neither of them acknowledged my presence. I frowned. I didn't expect her to throw me a party whenever I went into the room but she could at least look up from her computer. I cleared my throat loudly and moved towards her bed. "Hello."

Jesse only grunted in response but Aubrey looked up and smiled widely. "Doctor Conrad, how are you?"

"I'm good." I turned my back to Jesse and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I think it's okay for you to call me Stacie."

She smirked and placed her hand on my forearm. "Do you let all your patients call you Stacie?"

"Only the really special ones." I winked at her. I knew I shouldn't be flirting with her, let alone letting her touch me. But we weren't really doing anything wrong.

I nodded at her computer. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, just work stuff." She waved her hand dismissively at the screen.

"Can that wait until you're not in the hospital? I kinda need to you to keep your stress levels down."

"I'm not very good at delegating. Besides, I feel a lot better today." Her hand traveled down my forearm to my hand, her index finger tracing little circles on my wrist. If she was trying to distract me she was succeeding.

I completely forgot Jesse was there, I forgot we were in the hospital, I forgot everything except for her. I looked down at her lips and took in a shallow breath. My fingers twitched and I turned my palm up. Her finger moved from my wrist to my palm and I felt a shiver run down my spine. "Aubrey."

"Stacie." She smiled. I couldn't tell if it was because she was pleased with the clear effect she was having on me or because she called me by my name. Either way it wasn't good because I was looking at her lips again.

Jesse growled loudly in frustration and stamped on the floor, startling me into standing up and dropping Aubrey's hand. "I'll be back to check on you later." I turned around. Jesse was back to playing his game and not paying attention to us. I turned back to Aubrey. "And stop working."

* * *

The second time I went to check on her I kept my distance. The truth was, I didn't need to go check on her myself, I could have sent an intern. I wasn't actually doing anything, just making sure she was stable and that the meds were doing what they were supposed to do. But since I couldn't stop thinking about her, I figured I might as well torture myself a little and go see her.

I was pleased to see that her computer was off and on the chair Jesse had been occupying earlier and that he was nowhere to be seen. She watched me as I walked to the side of her bed and checked on her. I didn't say anything and turned away to check the monitors, even though I didn't have to.

I heard a little huff behind me. "When are you going to let me go?"

I looked at her over my shoulder. Her arms were crossed in front of her and she was pouting. I smiled at how adorable she looked but quickly squared my features when she turned to look at me. "I want you to take a stress test after you eat, depending on that I might let you go home tomorrow. Are you getting tired of me?"

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips but she managed to keep her pout stubbornly in place. "No, I'm bored and you won't let me work."

"I wouldn't have asked you to stop but you were typing like you were writing a death threat." She glared at me and crossed her arms tighter. "Do you want me to bring you something? A book, the paper, sudoku?"

Her expression softened and she shook her head. "Jesse went to get me things after I almost smashed his phone when he tried to teach me how to play his stupid game."

I laughed. "No games that make you want to smash things either. I'll stop by before I leave."

"Wait." I was close enough for her to reach my hand and pull me back around. "I know it might be too much to ask, and if you think I'm crossing a line I totally get it but, would you come back and have dinner here again?"

She looked up at me hopefully and I almost said yes. "I can't"

"Oh." She let go of me and looked down dejectedly. "Of course, it was a stupid idea."

"It wasn't." I covered her hand with mine. "I'd love to but I promised Chloe I'd have dinner with her and her girlfriend tonight and I can't cancel. I'm sorry."

She looked up at me, noticeably relieved. "It's okay, I get it." She removed her hand from under mine and gave me a gentle push away from her bed. "Go do doctorly things somewhere else."

I rolled my eyes. "See you later."

* * *

I knocked on Aubrey's doorframe, I had already changed but I wanted to stop by and say goodbye to her before I left. Aubrey looked up from the book she was reading and smiled. I would never get used to that smile. "Ready to go?"

I stepped inside but stayed by the door, I didn't trust myself to be near her. "Yeah, just wanted to see if you needed anything before I left."

"I'm good." She tilted her head and opened her mouth to say something else but changed her mind and closed it again.

I wanted to stay longer but I was already running late. Not to mention the fact that I wasn't supposed to treat her like anything other than my patient. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Have fun at your dinner."

She waved and I pathetically waved back while taking a step towards the door and bumping my shoulder with the fame rather painfully. I saw her wince and I turned around. "I'm okay."

I walked down the hall, cursing myself for being such a spaz and rubbing my shoulder. This whole getting over my crush thing wasn't working out as well as I'd hoped. Not that I was really trying. Thankfully, her exam results had come up better than expected and she'd be leaving the hospital tomorrow. After that I had three months to get over it before her follow up consult.

I stopped at an Indian place on the way home to pick up some food. Chloe and Beca were cuddled up on the couch when I got home, standing to help me set the table and get the food out of its containers.

We talked about our days while we ate, it had been a fairly standard day for all of us and I ended up really enjoying our dinner. We had never actually sat down and had a meal together before, it was nice and I felt ridiculous for running away from this. I was doing my best to keep Aubrey in the furthest corner of my mind, but every time there was a pause she'd come back.

I had mixed feelings about her leaving the hospital. On the one hand, I was glad she was responding to the medication, I really wanted her to get better, but on the other hand, everything would change. When Aubrey left the hospital, she'd go on with her life, I'd go on with mine and I would only see her once every few months. My only options were completely forgetting about her or wishing something horrible happened to her so she'd have to go back to the hospital. So forgetting about her it was.

After dinner, Chloe and Beca offered to do the dishes since I had gotten the food. I sat down in front of the TV, flipping mindlessly through the channels and obsessing over Aubrey. Tomorrow she was getting discharged and that would be it. I couldn't let that be it.

Without really thinking about what I was doing, I put on my jacket and my shoes, pausing by the kitchen door to tell Chloe and Beca that I was going back to the hospital. I turned up the music in the car so I wouldn't have a chance to really think about it and potentially change my mind.

Once I got to the hospital, I focused on walking to her room, not thinking, just putting one foot in front of the other. I pushed the door open and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. She looked up at me confused and I realized that blindly following my urge to see her meant that I hadn't thought of an excuse for being there.

"I thought you said you weren't going to be back until tomorrow. What are you doing here?"

"I don't know." And I didn't. I just had to see her. But now that I had, all the thoughts I'd been pushing back, the thoughts of why this was wrong, came crashing down on me.

She gave me a smile. A smile that said she understood what I had been going through, that she didn't blame me for being there. A smile that I instinctively knew she didn't give out so easily to everyone but always had one ready for me. She held out her hand and I walked over, taking her outstretched hand and sitting on her bed.

"What's wrong?"

I looked down at our hands. I had never been much of a hand holder but I had never needed something as much as I needed her hand in mine right now. "You're leaving tomorrow." I looked up at her and she nodded. "And I'm taking you out when this is all over." She nodded again. "But all I can think about right now is what happens in between."

She sighed. "I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me."

"I know and I don't expect you to either. I understand why we have to do this, I'm just having a little trouble accepting it."

She cupped my cheek. "Do you want me to look for another doctor?"

I chuckled. "Don't ask me that while you're giving me that look because I might say yes." She raised her eyebrows and I shook my head. "If you go to another doctor and something happens to you, even if we're broken up by then, I wouldn't be able to live with myself thinking I could have done something to save you."

"You'd break up with a dying girl with a bad heart?" She quirked an eyebrow at me.

"That's what you got from that?" I rolled my eyes. "I never said I was the one who would break up with you. Maybe by our third date you'll realize how annoying I am and you'll never want to see me again."

She sniggered. "I highly doubt that." Her thumb moved over my cheekbone. "But I get what you're saying and I agree. Right now I need to focus on my health and that means letting go of whatever this is." She paused. "Tomorrow."

I looked up at her confused. "Tomorrow?"

She nodded. Her hand moved from my cheek to the back of my neck and she pulled me down. I balanced my weight with my hand on the other side of the bed. She stopped when our lips were almost touching. I felt her fingers playing with the hairs on the back of my neck and she gave me a questioning look. She was waiting for me to take the last step.

I closed my eyes and moved forward, brushing our lips together softly. I felt her smile against my lips before she kissed me back, her free hand moving up to my jaw. I slowly deepened the kiss, taking my time to explore her lips and mouth. If this was the only time I was going to do this I wanted it to count. I felt her fingers tracing my jaw and then moving down my neck, stopping at my collarbone and rubbing little circles there.

I slowed down when I heard her heart monitor beeping slightly faster. I rested my forehead against hers, waiting to catch my breath with my eyes still closed. Burning the memory of the kiss and how I felt into my brain. I couldn't help myself and gave her one last peck. "I should go."

She nodded, her hands moving off me and onto her lap. I sat back and took her hand again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I stood up and walked to the door, looking back at her after I opened it. She half smiled at me sadly. "See you tomorrow, Doctor Conrad."

"Goodnight, Miss Posen."


	4. Chapter 4

I walked into the on-call room and slammed the door behind me. This was happening too fast. I thought I had more time. I thought she had more time before I had to do this. I leaned on one of the bunks choking out a sob.

* * *

_It had been less than a month since Aubrey left when I got called down to the ER. One of the interns walked up to me as soon as I walked in. "There's a patient asking for you, she said she wouldn't see anyone else." He handed me the chart. "She's in bed five."_

_I started walking in that direction reading the chart and seeing the patient's name. Aubrey. I ran to the bed, pulling back the curtain. Aubrey was sitting with her back straight, she turned and smiled when she saw me but I barely registered it._

" _What are you doing here? What's wrong?" I pressed my hand to her forehead and cheeks. She didn't have a fever. I took my stethoscope and pressed it to her chest. "Aubrey, say something. What is it?"_

_I felt her hand close around my wrist and pushing me away. "Stacie, stop."_

_I looked up at her confused. Why was she pushing me away? "Bree, I need to know what's wrong so I can help you."_

_She looked at me, dropping my hand and cupping my cheek. "Nothing's wrong."_

" _Then what-" I shook my head. "-what are you doing here?"_

_She looked down. "I'm sorry. I just-" She looked up and brushed a strand of hair away from my forehead. "I needed to see you."_

" _So you're okay?" She nodded. I sighed relieved. The moment I read her name my brain immediately skipped to the worst possible scenario. I would have laughed but my brain caught up to what was happening._

_I took a step back. "Aubrey, we agreed-"_

" _I know, I'm sorry." She tried to take my hand but I moved away. A flash of hurt passed through her eyes but it was gone as soon as it came._

_I moved to her but stopped. I hadn't meant to hurt her. "We can't do this here." I looked around but no one was paying attention to us. "Let's go outside and talk."_

_She nodded. I helped her get off the bed and we walked out together. I led her around the front of the hospital to the parking lot, walking a few steps in front of her. Part of me wanted to kiss her but most of me was really mad at her for doing this after we'd agreed to let this go._

_I kept walking, trying to calm down. I stopped when I realized I had walked all the way to my car. I didn't turn around; I placed my hand on the hood trying to work out what I wanted to say. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Stace, I'm sorry. I was going crazy not knowing anything from you."_

_I took a deep breath and turned around. I took her hands and laced our fingers. I pressed my forehead to hers and I closed my eyes, breathing her in. "This hasn't been easy for me either but you being here only makes it worse." I opened my eyes. "We can't do this."_

" _I know."_

_I let go of one of her hands and moved my hand to her chest over her heart. "How are you feeling?"_

" _I'm fine. I'm sorry I scared you." She placed her hand over mine. "I can't stop thinking about you."_

" _Aubrey-"_

" _I know." She lifted her head and looked at me. "I shouldn't have come."_

" _Probably." I smiled. "But I'm glad you did."_

_My phone chirped in my pocket. I took a step back to check it, her left hand still clasped tightly in mine. "I have to go." I thought about kissing her but I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop. I lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Don't come back until your appointment."_

* * *

There was a knock on the door and I wiped my eyes, taking a deep calming breath to collect myself before opening it. "She's ready."

I nodded at the intern. "I'll be right there."

I closed the door again and leaned my forehead against it. I gave myself ten more seconds before I went back, before I had to stop feeling and start doing, thinking. Feelings would only get in the way. My ten seconds were over, I had to go.

* * *

" _Miss Posen, how are you feeling today?" I walked into the room, closely followed by an intern. She frowned when she saw her but didn't comment on it._

" _I'm good, just here for my check up." She gave me a tight lipped smile._

" _Any chest pain? Difficulty breathing? Dizziness?" I moved her forward and placed the stethoscope against her back._

" _Not more than usual."_

_I heard something weird in her lungs and turned to the intern. "I'm gonna need a chest x-ray."_

_She lifted her head. "What is it?"_

" _I just want to check your lungs." I finished her examination. "Can you give us some privacy?"_

_The intern nodded and exited the room. I walked to the foot of Aubrey's bed. "How's work?"_

_Aubrey smiled. "Boring." She chuckled. "It's been a challenge."_

" _I'm glad you're finally listening to me and taking it easy though."_

_We looked at each other. It was awkward, strained. She knew something was different. I was acting different. I had to tell her. "I met someone."_

_She nodded. "I figured something had happened. It's the first time in a year that you bring an intern with you. Not since my first follow up consult."_

" _I didn't trust myself alone with you back then."_

" _And now?" I looked down._

" _I didn't know how I'd feel." I hadn't planned for this to happen. I wasn't looking to date someone, I just wanted to stop thinking about Aubrey. He started working at the hospital a couple of months back, he was hot, and he asked me out. I didn't think it would go anywhere but it did. "I'm sorry."_

" _No, don't apologize for having a life." She bit her lip thoughtfully. "We can still be friends, right?"_

" _Of course." I smiled at her and picked up her chart. "As your friend I should tell you that you're probably gonna have to stay here a couple of days. I'll know more after your x-ray. Do you want me to call Jesse?"_

" _I'll call him, thanks." I nodded and started walking out. I stopped when I heard her call my name. "Maybe we can have dinner tonight? As friends."_

" _Sure, sounds great."_

* * *

I focused on scrubbing my hands, getting through my pre-op ritual with as much normalcy as I could. I lost count halfway through my right hand and cursed loudly. Thankfully everyone else was already inside. I started again, breathing deeply and counting out loud.

"Hey, are you okay?" I turned towards the familiar voice. Of course he was here. "Chloe said something happened to one of your patients."

"I'm okay. I gotta go." She's just another patient.

* * *

_**Chloe [1:57]:**_ _ER NOW_

_I frowned. Chloe never texted me from her own phone for consults, and never like this. Something must have happened. Maybe Beca's ambulance crashed._

_I ran to the ER, taking the stairs down all five flights. Chloe was waiting by the ambulance bay fidgeting. "Chloe, what's wrong? Did something happen to Beca?"_

" _No, Beca's fine. She's on her way, she called me." She turned around and put her hands on my shoulders. "She's bringing Aubrey."_

" _What? What happened?"_

" _I don't know, she just said that she picked her up at work."_

_I immediately started going over all the possible things that could have happened to her and what I would have to do when she got here. I heard the ambulance before I saw it, my heart hammering in my chest._

_The ambulance doors opened. Beca was on top of Aubrey doing CPR as they rolled her out. "She fainted at work. She crashed a minute ago, she was stable before that."_

_I followed the gurney into one of the trauma rooms. Beca leapt off the gurney and I noticed she stayed just outside the room waiting. I focused back on Aubrey, taking the defibrillator one of the nurses handed me and shocking her. I didn't look at her face._

_I shocked her again, the monitors still beeping loudly. No change. I looked at Chloe on the other side of the gurney, she had taken over the chest compressions when Beca jumped off. "How long has it been?"_

" _Five minutes." She responded._

" _Charge again." I placed the paddles on her chest. I looked at her. Her eyes were closed, her mouth was slightly opened, she was pale. I shocked her and waited._

" _She's in sinus."_

_I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "We need to take her to the OR, now." I started pushing the gurney to the elevator. "Doctor Beale." Chloe got in with me and I turned to the rest. "Get the room ready, I'll meet you upstairs."_

_I needed a minute alone with Aubrey. Having Chloe there was as close as I was going to get for now. I brushed back Aubrey's hair and leaned down close to her. "Aubrey, I need you to stay alive, please. You can't leave me, you still owe me a date." I kissed her forehead. "Stay strong for me."_

" _We're here." Chloe warned me and I straightened up._

_The elevator doors opened and we pushed her out. "Take her to the OR? I need a minute."_

_Chloe nodded. "I'll send someone to get you when she's ready."_

* * *

"I'm gonna go update her family, don't leave her side until I get there. If I'm not back by the time she wakes up send someone for me." I threw my gloves in the bin by the door and left the OR. She was stable for now but she wasn't out of the woods yet, she needed a new heart and she needed it soon.

When I stepped into the waiting room, Jesse ran to me. "Is she okay? What happened?"

"She's fine." Jesse engulfed me in a hug as soon as the words left my mouth. I tensed up but managed to awkwardly pat his shoulder a few times. He let me go and held my shoulders at arm's length. "When can I see her?"

"I'll come get you when she wakes up but you can't stay, she needs to rest."

He nodded. "Thanks, Stacie."

I half smiled at him and went back inside. I needed to do something else before I went back to check on Aubrey.

It wasn't hard to find him, he was always in the ER or reading in the break room. Thankfully it was the latter and he was alone. He looked at me with a concerned look, standing up and moving towards me. I held my hand up to stop him. "We need to talk."

His frowned deepened. "Is this about your patient? Did something happen?"

"No, she's okay." I sighed. "We need to talk about us. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"This! Us. I don't feel the same way you feel about me and it's not fair to you."

He ran his hand through his hair. "I told you I could wait and I can, I don't need you to tell me you love me."

We'd had this conversation before. He saw it in the look I gave him the first time he told me he loved me and every time after that, I had never said it back and every time he would say he didn't care. I thought that eventually I would learn to love him, I cared about him and he was a nice guy. But when Aubrey came in and I thought about losing her, I knew I would never feel anything close to that for him.

"There's nothing to wait for."

He took a step closer and took my hand. "How do you know?"

"I just do!" I let his hand go. "You're a great guy and you deserve someone who's going to give back everything you give, someone who can love you back. I'm not that person, I'm sorry."

He went back to the couch and picked up what he was reading. "I appreciate the honesty." He mumbled. I guess that was the best result I could expect.

I waited a couple of seconds in case he had something else to say and left when he didn't. I made my way back to my floor to look for Aubrey. Chloe was outside her room waiting for me. "Where were you, I thought you'd be glued to her side."

"I went down to update Jesse…" I bit my lip.

"What did you do?" Chloe gave me her patented 'I've known you since college so you better not lie to me' look and waited.

I pulled her away from the door so the intern I had left in charge of Aubrey wouldn't hear. I knew that inevitably the entire hospital would start gossiping about my breakup soon but I didn't want to encourage it. "I broke up?"

To my surprise Chloe rolled her eyes. "Finally."

"Excuse me?" Chloe had never said anything that even remotely hinted at her not being supportive of my relationship.

"Come on, Stace, we both know it wasn't going anywhere. I've heard you talk about nail polish with more passion than when you talked about him."

I smirked and lifted my hand. "This is a great color."

She rolled her eyes and looked inside Aubrey's room. "So, are you gonna tell her?"

"That I'm single?" I quirked an eyebrow. I didn't think my relationship, or lack thereof, was going to be in Aubrey's priorities at the moment.

"That you love her."

I bit my lip. I had thought about it since I realized I did. I almost said it in the elevator but it felt wrong doing it while I was still in a relationship. I looked at Aubrey still unconscious and shook my head. "She needs me to be her doctor right now."

Chloe squeezed my shoulder. "She'll get through this."

"I know." I didn't know but I needed her to get through this.

"You will too." She kissed my cheek. "I have to go back to the ER. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks, Chlo."

I lingered by the door for a little bit longer. I tried to believe Chloe's words, that she would get through this, that we would. But she looked so pale and fragile that I wasn't so sure anymore. I walked into the room and nodded at the intern. "Any change?"

He shook his head. "She's been stable. She should wake up soon."

"Can you go check on my other patients? I'll be here if you need anything."

I pulled up the chair and sat next to the bed. I grabbed Aubrey's hand and flinched at how cold it was. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb and waited. I tried to hold back the tears I felt when I thought about how close I had been to losing her. I lifted her hand and held it against my cheek closing my eyes, wondering briefly if I could lose something I never really had.

I turned my head and pressed my lips to the back of her hand. I felt her fingers twitching under my lips and I saw her stirring with her eyes still closed. "Stacie."

Her voice sounded strained and raspy but I smiled at the thought that she had known it was me even before she opened her eyes. She blinked her eyes open and smiled weakly at me.

"Hey." I brushed back her hair and she leaned into my hand closing her eyes. "You really scared me."

"I'm sorry." I chuckled, my eyes getting teary again, because of course she would apologize for almost dying.

I moved my hand down to cup her cheek and I had to fight the urge to kiss her, settling for tracing her cheekbone with my thumb. "How do you feel?"

"Tired." She cleared her throat, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thirsty."

"I'll go get you some water." I stood up but her hand tightened around mine. "I'll be right back, I promise."

She reluctantly let go of my hand and I went to get water and let Jesse know he could see her. Jesse ran to her side and was about to launch himself at her when I slapped his arm. "Hey, careful. She just had surgery."

"Right, sorry." He gave me a sheepish grin and I rolled my eyes, moving to the other side of the bed.

I tuned him out while he told Aubrey what had happened after she fainted. I tilted her chin slightly and held the straw against her lips. She gave me a thankful smile and took the straw, turning her attention back to Jesse. I absentmindedly stroked the back of her hand while I waited for her to finish drinking. She turned her hand and captured my fingers, squeezing them and letting the straw go.

"Doctor Conrad?" I quickly put my hand in my pocket and turned. "The results for your patient in 503 are in."

"Thanks, I'll be there in a sec." I turned to look at Jesse. "Can you stay with her for a bit?"

"Stace." Aubrey said in the tiniest voice. She looked scared.

I took her hand again, not caring if the intern saw. "I'm just gonna be down the hall. Nothing's gonna happen while I'm gone." She nodded and I squeezed her hand reassuringly. I almost told her I loved her but I didn't, I just let go of her hand and walked away.

* * *

"There's a shadow right by the-" I stopped talking when I heard a code being called on the hospital's PA system. I waited to hear the room number, feeling my stomach drop when I did. Aubrey.

I shoved the tablet at the intern and ran out of the room, yelling at people to get out of the way. I got to her room in less than ten seconds and skidded to a stop by the door. There was a crash team already inside, Jesse was in the corner with his hand over his mouth. I felt like someone plunged a knife into my stomach when I heard the fast paced beeping from the monitor turn into a constant, high pitched noise.


	5. Chapter 5

The monitor went back to beeping evenly almost immediately. I started breathing again, I must have stopped when Aubrey flat lined, and walked into the room. I tried to focus on the report the attending who lead the crash team was giving me but my eyes kept diverting to Aubrey. Her heart had stopped, even if it had only been for a couple of seconds. I felt like someone was pressing on my chest, I needed to get out of there.

After the other doctor left, Jesse stepped up to me. He was biting his nails and he looked like he was about to cry. "Is she okay."

I nodded without looking away from Aubrey. "She is for now." I turned to him and ran my hand through my hair. "I need to go, I'll come back to check on her later."

"What? You can't leave her." He put his hand on my arm and I stopped.

I looked down at his hand and he removed it. "I have other patients." I walked to out of the room stopping to look back at Aubrey before I exited.

"Don't let her die." I frowned and looked at him.

"I won't, I…" I shook my head, I couldn't say the words out loud. "I won't."

* * *

I went back to Aubrey's room after Jesse left. My shift was over but I didn't want her to be alone. I took some of the paperwork I needed to do and some papers I needed to read and sat on the chair by her bed.

I focused on my paperwork and let her sleep. I had done my best to focus on work all day but I couldn't stop worrying about her which meant I had a lot to catch up to do. I was on edge all day, whenever I heard a code being called my heart stopped until I heard the room number. Thankfully, she hadn't had any more episodes. But I still felt a lot more calm being in the same room as her.

"Hey." I looked up startled by her voice. "How long have you been sitting there."

I leafed through my completed work and smiled at her. "A while." I stood up and gave her some water. "How are you?"

"I'm great, I've only died twice today."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "You know, you didn't have to go through all of this to get my attention."

She bit her lip. "Was it that obvious?" She took my hand and smiled sadly. "What happens now? Am I gonna need surgery again?"

I nodded. "I think the best option is for me to put in an ICD until we find a match for your transplant."

She scrunched up her nose. "What's that?"

"It's like a pacemaker. It monitors your heart rate and sends electrical impulses to your heart if it gets too low. It also shocks you if you get tachycardic or if go into ventricular fibrillation like today. With this you can go back to work without me worrying so much."

She took my hand. "Oh, so everything's just for your own peace of mind." I nodded. "You would probably be more calm if you gave me your number so I could call you and check in."

"Aubrey-" I took a step back but her fingers tightened around my hand.

"I know, but I just died twice so if now's not the time to try to get the girl, when is it?"

I laughed. "When she's done saving your life."

"But she's taking too long." She pouted and looked away. "Besides, I think she might be over me."

I didn't want her to think I was over her because I wasn't, but letting her know that now wouldn't help either of us. She turned back to look at me and ran her thumb over the back of my hand. "It's okay, Stace, I underst-"

"I'm not over you." Her thumb stilled and she gaped at me surprised.

"What about your-"

"We broke up." I sighed. "It wasn't going to go anywhere, my heart wasn't in it."

She smiled at my choice of words. "Kind of like mine."

I placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. "I can't lose you."

Her hand moved up and down my forearm. "And that means we can't be together."

"For now." I squeezed her hand. "It's almost over."

I moved back to the chair and picked up my work. "Go back to sleep, I need you rested for your surgery."

"You need me rested? What about you? You're not cutting into me if you stay here all night."

I smiled and continued working. "The couch is comfortable enough, I'll get some sleep later."

"Stacie." She glared at me. I suddenly understood why she was such a good lawyer, I would've done anything she asked after that look. Anything except leave, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I did.

"I'm not leaving." She huffed and crossed her arms but I ignored her and kept working, hoping she'd eventually get bored and sleep.

She spoke again after a while. "Do you think I should call my parents?"

I looked up. I knew she hadn't spoken to her parents since she came out to them when she was in college so she hadn't told them she was sick. I put my work down. "Do you want to call them?"

She shrugged and stared at the wall for a while before speaking again. "I was just thinking that I don't want to die without seeing them again. But what if they don't want to talk to me?"

Her voice broke at the end and I moved the chair as close to the bed as I could. I used one hand to take her hand and the other to wipe a tear from her cheek. "Do you want me to talk to them?"

"You would do that?"

"Of course, I'll call them first thing tomorrow." I ran my fingers through her hair, rubbing little circles on her forehead with my thumb. "Now sleep."

She sighed contentedly and closed her eyes. She turned her hand in mine and laced our fingers. "Stay here for a bit?"

* * *

I woke up early next morning. Aubrey had convinced me to go to an on-call room and sleep in an actual bed. She said she didn't want me to fall asleep with my hands in her chest and kill her, like she didn't know I would never do that. But I knew she wouldn't stop telling me to leave so I accepted with the condition that she'd send someone to get me if she needed anything.

I changed to a fresh pair of scrubs and tried to make myself look as presentable as possible before I went back to see her.

"Morning!" She looked a lot better than yesterday but she still looked terribly pale. "Someone's gonna come and take you up for some pre-op tests. They'll get you ready for the surgery as soon as I have them back."

"Do you have a pen and paper?" I passed her my notepad and my pen and she scribbled something on the first empty page she found. She handed it back to me. "That's my mom's number."

I read the number and nodded. "I'll call her now. Anything specific you want me to say to her?"

"Just ask if they can come. And tell her I love her." I put the number in my pocket and started walking out. "And if she doesn't want to come, don't tell me until after the surgery."

I went back to the on-call room and locked the door. I took a couple of deep breaths. I had been mad at Aubrey's parents since she told me the story of when she came out to them. Apparently they couldn't accept that their little girl was a anything other than what they had taught her to be. Neither of them had tried to talk since then, and I didn't blame Aubrey. But I couldn't understand how her parents could just cut her out like that.

I knew it wasn't my problem, and if Aubrey wanted them here I would have to be nice. And if they patched things up I should probably try to make a good impression just in case. I dialed the number and waited. Someone who sounded vaguely like Aubrey picked up after a couple of rings. "Hi, Mrs. Posen?"

"Yes, who's this?"

"I'm calling from Emory University Hospital, your daughter Aubrey is here."

She paused for so long that I had to look at my phone to check if she'd hung up. "Is there something wrong?"

"She has a heart condition, she's scheduled to have surgery later today and she was hoping you and your husband could come see her before that." I held my breath waiting for her answer.

"Of course, I'll talk to my husband and we'll be there as soon as possible." I smiled. "Is she going to be okay?"

"The surgery has risks, and she's still going to need a heart transplant, but we're doing everything we can to get her through this. If you like, I can explain it to you in more detail once you're here."

"Yes, of course. Thank you for calling me."

"Mrs. Posen, she asked me to tell you that she loves you."

There was another long pause, and I could hear the woman's voice shake when she spoke again. "Thank you, I will be there later."

* * *

Aubrey's tests results were back and I felt a lot better about this surgery than the one I'd performed the day before. It was a very simple procedure and if everything went well it would be over in a few hours and Aubrey could go home after a couple of days. My talk with Aubrey the previous night had also helped me decide what to do about us. Now that I knew she still had feelings for me I felt better about waiting for her to be better before I did anything.

I walked into her room still reading her test results when someone cleared their throat making me look up. There was an older couple in Aubrey's room, who I assumed were her parents. Her dad was standing stiffly as far from the bed as he could but her mom was at her side holding her hand.

Aubrey smiled at me. "Mom, dad, this is Doctor Stacie Conrad. She's the one who called you."

I stood there frozen for a second trying to remember when was the last time I'd checked how I looked or retied my hair before I walked to shake Aubrey's mom's hand. When I got close enough she pulled me in for a hug which I awkwardly returned, looking at Aubrey over her mom's shoulder and raising my eyebrows questioningly. She shrugged and tried not to laugh. "Thank you for calling us."

"Sure, no problem." She finally let me go, wiping a couple of stray tears from her eyes. I looked at Aubrey's dad but thankfully he didn't look like he was going to hug me anytime soon. I smiled and nodded at him. He returned my nod but not the smile.

I turned back to Aubrey. "Are you ready?" She nodded nervously. "Do you want me to go over the procedure again?"

"I'm good. I already made you tell me three times." I opened my mouth to tell her I didn't mind but she stopped me. "I know you don't mind but I'm good. Really."

"Okay." I went to the door to get one of the orderlies to help me take her to the OR. He took one side of the gurney and I took the other side, pushing Aubrey out. I turned to her mom as we were leaving. "You can wait here or in the waiting room downstairs, I'll get you when we're done."

When we were down the hall Aubrey took my hand. I gave her a reassuring smile. "How did the reunion go?"

"My mom cried a lot and apologized. My dad just stood there but I guess him being here is progress."

"If they bother you I can ask security to kick them out." I said it jokingly but I squeezed Aubrey's hand to let her know I wasn't kidding that much. I would drag them out myself if they said or did anything that hurt her.

"I'll keep that in mind."

We stopped outside of the OR. "I'll see you in there, I have to…" I lifted my hands.

"Stace…" She grabbed my hand tighter. "I'm going to be okay, right?"

"I won't let anything happen to you." I motioned at the orderly to take her inside.

* * *

"Why are you here again? Go home." I looked up from my place in the chair and smiled. The surgery had gone as expected. I had talked to Aubrey and her parents about what to expect next and what she could and couldn't do while we waited for the heart match. I had waited until visiting hours were over to come back and had taken my usual seat by her bed.

"This is how you treat the woman who's gonna save your life?" I leaned my elbows on the edge of her bed and looked at her. "I'm waiting on some test results for another patient and I thought I could wait here."

She gasped dramatically. "You have other patients? I thought we were exclusive." I chuckled and she pressed her hand to my cheek. "At least tell me I'm your favorite."

I turned my head and kissed the palm of her hand. "I don't know, there's an old lady who brings me brownies whenever she comes in for a consult."

"I can give you something better than brownies." She bit her lip and wiggled her eyebrows.

I laughed. "You can't, you just had surgery." She pouted and tilted her chin up. "Fine, you're my favorite."

She smiled widely at me and she looked so ridiculously cute that I leaned forward unconsciously. I didn't realize what I was doing until I felt my nose touch hers. I just had to move a fraction of an inch and I'd be kissing her.

I could feel her breath on my lips. "I should go check if my tests are ready." She nodded making our noses rub together. "I'll come back later. I'm glad you're okay."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to remind you that I have no medical training whatsoever so I apologize for any inaccuracies.

I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and excused myself to check who it was. I smiled when I saw the name on the screen and walked through the first door I found to take the call. "Hey."

"Hey." I could hear the smile in Aubrey's voice and it made my stomach flip. She had talked me into giving her my cell number in case she needed something. She had made up ridiculous questions about her ICD the first few times she'd used it. Now she called me almost every day, not even bothering to come up with an excuse.

Talking to her was the best and worst part of my day. I loved it but at the same time I hated that it was all we could do. "What are you doing?"

"The usual: watching a movie, avoiding magnets, waiting for the Wizard to get me a new heart. You?"

"I'm still at the hospital." I leaned back against one of the cabinets in the room. "It's been a busy day, I've been in and out of surgery since this morning."

"When was the last time you ate?" I bit my lip in thought. I had barely had time to in between surgeries to check on my patients, let alone eat. Aubrey knew that sometimes I got too focused and eating was far from being one of my priorities. "Stace, you have to eat something. Go now."

"But I'm talking to you." I didn't care how ridiculously whiny I sounded right now, hearing Aubrey's voice after a day like this was all I needed, not food.

"Exactly. If you have time to talk to me, you have time to eat." I pouted even though she couldn't see me. "You can call me back after you've eaten."

I huffed. "Fine, I'll eat."

"Thank you." She replied smugly.

"I'll call you later then?" I had never called her, I always waited for her to do it. Not being the one who initiated the call made me feel less like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.

"Yes." Her very confident answer wavered after a second. "I mean, if you want to. You don't have to, I didn't really have a reason to call. I just-"

"I want to. I'll call you later."

"Okay. And Stacie? I-" She paused and I stopped breathing. "-I, umm, I'll be waiting."

She hung up and I stared at my phone for a bit longer. Our conversations were full of heavy-laden pauses, of things we couldn't say and things we weren't ready to say. The trick was learning not to read too much into those pauses, not filling in the blanks. Because if I thought about what Aubrey hadn't said then I would break and I would go to her, and we were almost at the finish line.

I sighed heavily and put the phone in my pocket, I needed to find her a heart soon.

* * *

I walked through the ER looking for Chloe. Ever since Beca proposed and they moved out to their own apartment, we'd instituted weekly dinners. Although with our schedules we often had to change them to lunch or breakfast somewhere near the hospital. I found her signing a chart, already dressed to go out. "Ready?"

Chloe lifted a finger and finished signing, handing it over to the doctor who was waiting for her. She smiled at me and grabbed my arm. "Ready." She skipped happily as we walked out of the hospital. "Guess what?"

I arched an eyebrow at her. This was way more than her usual pep. "You're high?"

"No!" She frowned but it only lasted a second before her huge smile returned. "We set a date!"

They had been trying to pick a date for their wedding for the past two months but it took them forever to agree on the place. "That's great, Chlo! When is it?"

"April 11th!" We got to my car and Chloe started talking a mile a minute as soon as I started driving. "When's your next day off? We need to look at dresses for me and for you and we have to go cake tasting. The hotel is handling all the rest of the food but we still need to pick a menu. Beca is useless for this, she wanted a barbeque in our backyard."

I chuckled. I knew from the moment Chloe asked me, that being her maid of honor was going to be a full time job. "I have some vacation days I can use, maybe we can get some stuff out of the way this month."

"Aws! Also, I need to know if you're bringing a date so I can get started on seating arrangements."

I bit my lip. The only person I wanted to be my date couldn't be my date. "I don't think I will."

I felt Chloe's eyes on me for a while. "She might get a heart before the wedding."

"It's not that." I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and she rolled her eyes. "It's not only that."

I hadn't talked to Chloe about this. I certainly hadn't mentioned it to Aubrey. Addressing our relationship in any way wasn't something we did.

I parked in front of the restaurant where we were having dinner and got out. Chloe frowned and followed me inside. She waited until we were seated and gave me a pointed look. "Well?"

"It's just that-" I exhaled loudly and ran my hand through my hair. "I don't really know how she feels about me. And even if she does like me, what if she doesn't like me once she's not my patient? We've only ever seen each other in the hospital. What if we go out and realize we had nothing in common other than the fact that she's sick?"

"Stace, that's ridiculous. You talk on the phone every day, I assume you talk about other things besides her illness." I nodded. "See? If you had nothing in common that would've died down already. And you know she likes you, you kissed."

"That was like two years ago! It doesn't mean she still wants to kiss me." I crossed my arms and pouted. I knew I was being overly pessimistic. I pivoted between being worried about how things would change once she got better, and being worried about her not getting better.

"Stacie, I supported you through this whole 'I need to be her doctor even though I'm in love with her' crap you've been doing for the past two years, I'm not going to let you back-out now that it's almost over." She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Do you want to be with her?"

"Of course. But-"

"No buts. You're gonna find her a heart, save her life, and take her out on a date." She gave me a definite nod that meant she wouldn't take any more arguing from me and I had to smile. She could be annoying at times, and very pushy, but I knew she did it because she cared.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I'll take her to your wedding." Chloe squealed and I lifted a finger. "If she's had her transplant and she's out of the hospital."

* * *

I was sleeping peacefully, at least as peaceful as a 30 minute on-call room nap can be, until something disrupted it. I rolled over to my back with a groan and blinked my eyes open, taking a moment to reorient myself. I stared at the bunk on top of me before remembering the loud buzzing that had woken me up.

I retrieved my phone from under my pillow and picked up without looking at the caller ID. "Doctor Conrad? I'm calling from Piedmont. We have a match for your heart transplant patient Aubrey Posen."

I blinked a few times still hazy from my nap. "Doctor Conrad?"

My mind started going through everything I had to do now, starting with calling Aubrey over and sending someone to get the heart. "Yes, I'll send a team to recover the organ."

I ran to the nurses' station in my floor to call the transplant coordinator. We'd done this enough times so everyone on the team knew exactly what to do. Except this time it was different, usually someone in the admin staff would call the patient to tell them to come in but I wanted to be the one to tell Aubrey.

I saw the head of my organ recovery team making his way to me ready to go. "I'll go check on the donor at Piedmont, let me know when you're ready here."

I nodded at him. Timing was very important, we had to make sure Aubrey was ready for surgery and we rechecked both the blood and tissue match before harvesting the organ. My finger hovered over Aubrey's name on my phone ready to make the call. "Thanks, Benji. And-"

"I know, this one's important. No hitches." Benji smiled at me and kept walking towards the elevator.

I pressed Aubrey's name and she picked up on the second ring. "Hey, I thought you were going to be at work all day."

"You have to get here now, we got a match." I didn't really have time for pleasantries, I really did need her to get here right away.

"Oh, okay. Yes, I'll be right there." I could hear her shuffling around in her apartment.

"Do you need me to call Jesse or your parents?"

The shuffling stopped for a second. "No, I'll call them from the cab."

I hung up and turned back to the desk. I cancelled my non-urgent surgeries and asked one of the other attendings to take over my only surgery left. My intern was already waiting for Aubrey in the ER, ready to take her up for her pre-op exams and the OR was already being prepped for the surgery.

I focused on my checklist to control my nerves, going through the motions almost automatically. Benji called to check in when he got to the other hospital and my intern texted me to say Aubrey had had her chest x-ray and that all her blood tests were already in progress. I walked over to the room and arrived at the same time as them.

Aubrey smiled as soon as she saw me and my nerves melted away. I took over the wheelchair and pushed Aubrey into the room. "I'll do the assessment, go check on her tests."

I helped Aubrey off the wheelchair and ushered her to a scale. I wrote down her weight without a word. I could feel her looking at me curiously. She cleared her throat and started talking. "Hi, Aubrey. I can't believe this is almost over." I chuckled at her attempt at imitating me. "I know it's been forever, right? Maybe finally we'll get to kiss again, I can't wait. Also, not having the risk of sudden death will be nice."

I helped her down from the scale and sat her down to get her vital signs. "It's not almost over, you still have one to three weeks here, three months of recovery and you have to be on immunosuppressants for the rest of your life. That is if the surgery goes as expected and you don't reject the organ."

"Gee, thanks, babe. I'm not terrified anymore."

I frowned up at her not knowing if I should address the fact that she just called me babe. "I'm sorry, just making sure you know what you're in for." I placed the stethoscope on her chest. "Breathe in."

She took a deep breath and waited for me to be done checking her lungs before speaking again. "I know, I've been over the mandatory psych assessments, talked it over with you and a million other people. I'm aware this is not it." She took my hand and tugged it so I'd look at her. "But this is it for us. After the surgery you won't be my doctor, I can get through the rest with a different cardiologist."

"I'm still your doctor now and I'll be your doctor until you're out of the ICU." I looked at her seriously. "How are you feeling?"

She smiled. "I'm great, Stace, I'm ready for this."

I nodded and took a step back. I knew that focusing on what would happen after her surgery was part of how she was coping with the stress but I couldn't think about that yet.

The intern came back with the test results followed by Aubrey's parents and Jesse. I moved to the side of the room to look over the results and give them a bit of privacy.

Everything looked good. I told the intern to call Benji and tell him to go ahead with the extraction and to make sure everything was ready in the OR to bring Aubrey in.

I looked over to the other side of the room and was happy to see Aubrey's father's hand on her shoulder with a fond smile on his face.

I walked back to them. "We'll get you started on immunosuppressants and a nurse will come prep you and hook you up to an IV before we take you to surgery."

Aubrey nodded. "Guys, can you give me a second with Doctor Conrad?"

I quirked an eyebrow and waited for everyone to leave the room. She took an envelope out of her purse and gave it to me. "I wrote this in case I- I know you're going to do everything you can to keep me safe but there are things you can't control, and my therapist said it would be good for me, to help me figure out my feelings and what I want when this is over." I clasped the envelope tightly. "Don't open it until after the surgery?"

I nodded and swallowed a knot in my throat. "I'll take this but you can tell me yourself when you wake up."

She gave me a watery smile and cupped my cheek. "Stacie, I l-"

"Don't say it." She frowned up at me. "I can't do what I have to do if you say it. I can't focus on keeping you safe if I hear you say it." I removed her hand from my face and squeezed her fingers. "You can say it after, okay? I'll be there when you wake up and you can say anything then."

She looked like she was going to argue for a second but then she nodded. "Let's do this then."

I smiled at her, fighting the urge to do anything more than squeeze her hand one last time before walking away and calling the nurse to prep her for surgery.

I checked in with someone from the organ recovery team before going to scrub in. Benji called when he had removed the heart to let me know he was on his way back and that the organ was good. I took a deep breath, it was up to me now.

I walked into the OR. Aubrey was already on the table, the anesthesiologist was waiting for me to tell him she could put her under. I stepped up to the table and she smiled. "Ready?" My voice was muffled by my surgical mask.

"Ready, oh wonderful wizard." I rolled my eyes and nodded at the anesthesiologist who took a step forward and placed the mask over Aubrey's face.

I opened and closed my fingers a couple of times to loosen up. I'd done this before, it wasn't exactly a routine procedure but being in one of the top ranked hospitals in the country gave me the opportunity to do it often enough. I grabbed the scalpel and cut down Aubrey's chest. After separating the sternum and opening the pericardium, I started working on removing Aubrey's heart and connecting her to the bypass machine that would pump blood for her during the surgery.

Benji came in with the heart as I was lifting the old heart out of Aubrey's chest. "It's good to go."

"Thanks." After checking the monitors to make sure Aubrey was still stable, I turned to pick up the new heart.

I started sewing the new heart's left atrium to the portion of the old heart I had left in Aubrey's chest and carefully positioned it where it should be. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and took a deep breath to slow down my heart and focus back on connecting all the vessels to the new heart.

I finished sewing everything in place and took a step back. I took the paddles from one of the nurses. Once we allowed Aubrey's blood to flow through the new heart, we'd have to shock it to restart it. This was one of the steps where everything could go wrong.

"Redirect blood flow." One of the other doctors turned off the bypass machine and I stepped up with the paddles. "Clear."


	7. Chapter 7

I felt someone brushing my hair back and I blinked my eyes open. I was exhausted from the past 24 hours and I thought that I could just rest my eyes for a minute before I had to start moving again. "Hey, you okay?"

I smiled. "I think I'm the one who's supposed to be asking you that. Are you ready for this?"

I walked around and took in Chloe's beautiful white dress. Her hair was in elaborate braids, held up by a gorgeous silver broach. I stopped behind her and she smiled back through the reflection in the mirror in front of us. "I'm more than ready. I want to do this now. How much longer do we have to wait?"

"I can go check, but people started arriving a while ago so it shouldn't be long."

She frowned. "No, stay. I don't want to be alone."

I quirked an eyebrow at her and moved closer to the mirror to check my makeup. "I thought you were excited."

"I am!" She laughed nervously. "I'm also very nervous so please don't go."

I turned and grabbed her hand. "I'm not going."

She gave my hand a squeeze and looked at me. They had just finished her hair and makeup. Her dad had left to take her mom to her seat and the rest of the wedding party was waiting outside for the rest of the guests to be seated. She looked down. "Thanks for everything you've done these past months, Stace. I don't know what I would've done without you."

When she looked up again I could see tears pooling in her eyes and I quickly moved to get a tissue. "No, hey, don't cry. You're going to ruin your make-up." I carefully dabbed the tissue around her eyes. "You don't have to thank me. I'm your maid of honor, of course I was going to help you."

"It's just, with everything you've been through since-" She looked at me sadly. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you needed more time."

I shook my head. "I didn't. I needed it to distract me." I checked her makeup again. "Now, no more crying, okay?"

She nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too." I felt my eyes stinging with tears and chuckled. "We need to stop this. I'm just going to look outside and see if we're good to go."

I walked to the door and looked outside. Chloe's brother was standing in the hallway waiting. "Hey, we're getting antsy here. How much longer do we have to wait?"

"I don't know." He shrugged.

As if on cue, we heard footsteps coming down the hall and turned to see Chloe's dad coming over. He smiled and waved me back inside to get Chloe.

I turned to her and smiled. "Last chance to run away."

Chloe rolled her eyes and walked past me and out of the room. I hurried to take my place next to Chloe's brother, grabbing my bouquet from one of the ushers as we neared the door that led outside.

The music started playing when I stepped onto the carpeted aisle. Beca hadn't wanted to walk down the aisle, afraid she'd trip and fall in front of everyone. She was already waiting at the end with a nervous smile on her face, her dress was a toned down version of Chloe's but just as elegant.

I didn't look at the rows of people as I walked, knowing I wouldn't see the face I most wanted to see there. I tried not to think too much about it as I took my place and looked back as Chloe appeared on the far side of the aisle.

I turned back to Beca just in time to watch her jaw dropping. She seemed to remember she was in front of a lot of people and that this was being filmed and quickly recovered, smiling adoringly as Chloe made her way down the aisle with her dad.

The ceremony was beautiful and short, as per Beca's request. She had joked that once she saw Chloe in her wedding dress she wouldn't be able to hold herself back from kissing her for long. Which, by the look on her face and the way she fidgeted until she took Chloe's hand to slip the ring on, seemed to be a real threat.

I rushed back inside to check everything was set for the reception once the ceremony was over. The hotel's wedding planner blanched when he saw me coming and hurried forward to assure me that everything was as it should. The guy had seen a lot of me this past month and I had to admit I hadn't been in the best of moods.

He followed me around reciting his check list while I straightened up the name cards on the nearest table and waved at the people who were already walking into the room.

I waited until almost everyone was seated and went back to find Chloe and Beca. They'd had enough time to get their urge to jump each other out of the way. Hopefully their dresses and makeup didn't need much fixing.

I stopped outside the door of the room we had used to get ready and knocked loudly before yelling. "Better cover up whatever you need to, I'm coming in!"

I counted to five and opened the door with my eyes closed in case they hadn't taken me seriously. I slowly opened one eye and then the other one to find both Chloe and Beca looking at me with amused looks. They looked disheveled but I had thought they'd look a lot worse. Chloe's lipstick was smeared and she had left a pink trail down Beca's neck. Beca's hair was a little ruffled but it was fixable with a few strategically placed bobby pins.

I shook my head and handed a tissue to Chloe to fix her make-up while I moved to help Beca. "I'm glad I didn't take your mom up on her offer to come find you."

Beca chuckled and blushed. "Me too."

I managed to get them looking almost as good as they had during the ceremony and had them back at the reception hall in record time, smoothing out their dresses as I tried to keep them apart for the short walk there.

I stayed by the door, watching with a small smile as they took their first dance to a mix Beca made. After the traditional dances were done, people started to join them on the dance floor. Finding the right DJ for the party had been the only decision Beca had been deeply involved with and from the sound of it, it had been a good choice.

I was about to go to my seat when I felt a hand on my back. "You're not dancing?"

I frowned confused and turned around. "What are you doing here? I thought your flight didn't get in until tonight."

Aubrey threw her arms around my neck and kissed me, her fingers skirting over the straps of my dress. I held her hips and pulled her closer, smiling against her lips. "I changed it so I could come."

I rested my forehead against hers and let my hands move over the soft fabric of her dress. "You should've told me, I would've picked you up from the airport."

"You wouldn't have had time. And I wanted to surprise you."

I moved forward to peck her lips a couple of times. "I love you."

She smiled shyly and blushed, giving me a quick kiss and moving forward to press herself closer to me. "I love you."

I led her to the table we were sharing with Chloe's family. Thankfully I hadn't had time to redo the sitting arrangements and there was still a seat for Aubrey. After we were done with the introductions, we sat and Aubrey pulled my hand to her waist and leaned against my side. I pressed a kiss to her temple and tightened my arm around her.

It was really hard for me not to touch her whenever we were together just to make sure she was still there. The month after her surgery had been really tough. The surgery had gone fine, her body hadn't rejected the new organ and she was out of the ICU after a couple of days. But because of the anti-rejection medicine she was taking, she had contracted a respiratory infection right before she was scheduled to be discharged. She'd had to stay in the hospital two weeks longer, which had pushed back her physical therapy schedule and delayed her recovery.

Not a lot had changed with our relationship while she was still in the hospital, except that she had waited exactly three seconds to kiss me after I told her I was no longer her doctor. I would visit her whenever I wasn't working and most nights I slept in her room despite her protests.

I took her home after they discharged her and I ended up spending the night. I didn't want her to be alone and, even though she wouldn't admit it until much later, she was terrified something would happen while she was by herself. I skipped work the next day and stayed with her, cuddling in her bed and watching TV.

She made me go to work the next day, saying she couldn't be afraid for the rest of her life and that I shouldn't have to stop mine for her. I checked in as often as I could the first few days, until we settled into a pseudo-normal rhythm. I would go to work, then stop by to see her on my way home. I spent the night whenever she had a doctor's appointment the next day and drove her to the hospital. Jesse drove her to physical therapy when I had to work or when I was busy helping Chloe with things for her wedding.

A month before the wedding she had been cleared to drive and she had gone back to work. She had started out slow, doing mostly administrative stuff, but there had been a problem with one of their clients and Jesse was visiting his family so Aubrey had had to fly to New York for a meeting. I had almost had a panic attack at the thought of her having to fly by herself to a different city, and I made her promise to check in as often as possible. I had already planned to go pick her up at the airport, even if I had to leave the wedding a little bit early.

She turned her head and kissed my cheek. "How did the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony go?"

"The ceremony was great. The rehearsal dinner was…" I twisted my lower lip trying to come up with the right adjective. "...interesting. One of Beca's cousins was allergic to walnuts and Beca didn't tell me. The salad had walnut oil and her throat closed up. Luckily someone had an epipen and it didn't get so bad. Then Chloe got really drunk and started crying because she couldn't be with Beca that night. I had to stay with her until she calmed down and stopped puking."

"Wow." She pulled my free hand in front of her and looked at my fingers. "I don't want to spent the night before our wedding apart."

"I'm sorry, what?" I stopped breathing. Even though we were very much in love with each other, and it felt like we'd been together for years, we'd been dating officially only for over four months.

She sat up and turned to cup my cheek. "I've known for a while that you were the person I was gonna spend the rest of my life with, however short it may be. We don't have to get married, I mean, the probability of me dying is a lot higher than yours and I get you not wanting to-"

"Okay." She frowned confused. "Okay, let's get married. We have to wait until Chloe and Beca come back from their honeymoon but we don't need a huge ceremony, unless you want one."

She laughed and kissed me. "I didn't mean right away!"

"But you're right, we don't know how long we have together. I could get hit by a bus crossing the street or a crazy, gun wielding man could go into the hospital and start shooting or-" I placed our clasped hands over her chest and blinked back the tears I felt forming in my eyes. "I don't want to waste more time."

She shook her head and kissed me again. "I love you."

She had started crying and I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs. "I love you too. And we're getting married."

"Bree! You made it!" Chloe approached our table and hugged Aubrey. She noticed her tear-stained face and held her back by the shoulders. "What happened?"

I shrugged. "We're getting married."

"What?" Half the people there turned when Chloe yelled and watched as she launched herself at me with a huge smile on her face. I rolled my eyes at Aubrey and Beca over her shoulder while trying to keep my balance.

I saw Beca bump Aubrey's shoulder with a smirk. "Welcome to the family."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. Hope you liked this!


End file.
